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Posts Tagged ‘Shadow of the Past’

November 9, 2008 – Further Insights and Final Cleansing Of Past Issues

Sun Setting on the Past

Sun Setting on the Past

The process continues…(Please read the previous post if you have not already done so to understand this one)…it is now the next day and have had many more insights – some I will keep for my private journals, but will share enough to allow others to gain insights from this as well.

This morning came a full disclosure to myself. What was revealed to me after 23 years of being completely unaware of these feelings and issues! Really full understanding of what I haven’t admitted to myself all these years. I would have wanted more than anything else to have stayed married – but I was not given the opportunity or option. Instead of working WITH me to help me at the time I most needed it, he did everything possible to push me further and further away. The person I had taken care of so lovingly for over 20 years, who I had never asked anything of – attuning myself to his needs in all things – had deserted me in my time of deepest need. Cruelly pushing me away in every way possible when he should have been protecting and cherishing me – helping me to move through my Dark Night. While I desperately clung to hope as a drowning victim does to a life raft, he pulled this from my grip as well, leaving me to go under along – slowly sinking. I was forced to rip apart a family which would never fully recover the wounds inflicted on it – as a unit and as individuals.

I am sure I could have gotten to the same place in my life that I am today WITHOUT having to break up my home, if he had only been willing and able to work along with me for a few years until I found my path. I COULD have done it differently if I had been given the opportunity. And I now know that this frustration, so long repressed was what caused this anger to well up in me after being held back by illusion for so many years. . This realization is a cause for profound sadness and grief– but I will move forward. What’s done is done and there is a reason for this as well. That reason is still to be discovered! I will do my best to be patient but I joyfully look forward to finding out what it is!

It is important to understand that I am not seeking to “place blame”, for there is no place for that in our lives. Just coming to terms with these hidden issues, and releasing them, is all that is necessary. And I have done that completely…feeling light and at peace with myself and everyone else connected with these issues. It is a true blessing!

There will be one more post with a truly lovely dream which reflects this final cleansing on all levels, but will leave that for a separate post.

Love
Jane

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November 8, 2008 – The Day Following My First AHA as described in the Previous Post

Dawning of a New Day

Dawning of a New Day

I had spent the greater part of the day and part of the night agonizing over my having to deal with those past issues described in the previous post, and how I would go about doing it. Before falling into a fitful sleep I asked for help – for some message – and what you find below was lovingly given to me in the form of a dream.

Woke from a clear powerful dream I can still feel:

I was “deposited” in a familiar place along the water, a settlement of low lying houses on the sand, and only I was gently placed by “someone” with a toddler in arms, in a much higher up house overlooking the scene below. My possessions were all left below as well.

At the end, of the dream, after an enormous wave had flooded everything below, many loving “people” were with me comforting me and telling me all is well. Only good has happened. All is clean and healthy the way it should be, saying it was amazing to be lifted up so high to safety by a loving invisible force and gently held there before the danger began and then deposited back on y terrace out of harm’s way.

More details and My understanding:
I went back to the “old place”. Had a toddler with me who I was responsible for keeping safe (which I realized was ME). I was back in the past where it all began – Gush Katif feeling to the place I found myself in during the dream. Many nice people around me. But everyone was on low ground, at sea level. Only me and my charge (ME) were placed up on high ground overlooking the scene below. We left all of our possessions – things from the past – below, waiting to bring them up to our new place later. I left “me” upstairs and went down to start picking up things to take back with me when I was lifted up by some strange natural force to the height of 27 meters (yes – exactly 27 meters – the meaning of this becoming clear a few days later when I spoke to a friend about the number) and placed back on the terrace of my new place with ME. And then a huge wave came – like a Tsunami – and we rushed into safte, but the wave came up to just below where we were, and then receded.

The toddler ME was terrified. I wanted to just go to the edge of the terrace to look. I forced ME, carrying ME gently in my arms to come see what was left. We saw an amazing scene. Everything was exactly as before, but completely fresh and clean and on the distant waves, which had receded far out – we could see all the items we had left below floating away out of reach.

I have been given the go ahead. I can go back – feel myself as I was then at the time – feel all my feelings (many of which were described in the previous post) but knowing I will be lovingly cared for during the whole process. No matter how frightening, I will be kept safe, no harm will come to me during the process. And then, in one swoop, at the proper moment, all things remaining of the past will be washed clean, leaving all the good things intact as memories. I have no reason to fear going back and dealing with the things that need to be taken care of after so many years!

I must deal with myself with compassion, but this is a place I must go now. It is an opportunity presented to me and I must take advantage of it!

I was given a child to hold – not because I was a child at the time – although in many ways I was LIKE a child – innocent and naïve, very little life experience, and beginning a whole new life from the beginning – – was given the child to hold to remind me to care for myself as I would a lost frightened child. With tenderness, gently, slowly, understandingly, compassionately and with much loving understanding and acceptance.

Love
Jane

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thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyselfleviticus 19:18

If we look at this, as it is worded in the fourth of the Reiki Principles, it appears to be fairly straightforward. It is pretty obvious to us that one of the most important things in this world is to love and respect others, show compassion and tolerance, patience and understanding etc. We also know that we must be kind to EVERY living being and this would of course include animals, insects, plants etc., etc.

The original wording of the principle as stated by Dr. Usui is slightly different, but the message is more easily understood with the above paraphrase which I prefer using in my Reiki classes and in my own daily meditation practice.

And the profoundness of the principle, if we truly think about it, opens the door to an entirely new way of perceiving the ups and downs of our lives, of relating to instances where we feel we have been wronged by someone, or taken advantage of, even purposely hurt or embarrassed, or injured in any way. Of relating to the different people who come into our lives and the way we accept and embrace all that is sent our way by God and the Universe.

In addition, if we add just two small words to the above principle, it changes the impact and intent even more deeply. Just for Today I will Love and Respect Every Living Creature…INCLUDING MYSELF!! If we do not truly love ourselves, how can we possibly love and respect our neighbor??

I will try and give insights into the following two questions (more…)

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You don’t have to be Jewish to use this opportunity. It is simply another chance to journey within and see what we find, explore the inner workings of our soul and try and move forward into a new place. There will always be things which need to be questioned and challenged, and always new ways and opportunities to make profound changes which will help us move forward in our Sacred Contract, our reason for being here.

Let us all pray that we be granted the guidance, clarity and direction we need, as well as the wisdom to understand and perceive the blessings given to us, no matter what form or disguise they may take.

This would be a good time to take a minute and go back and check out the previous post on Living in the Shadow of the Past and the Power of Forgiveness and finding the ways to release all that is no longer necessary or healthy for us in the coming New Year. It would also be a wonderful time to begin doing the forgiveness exercise explained in the post for all those in your life who you still need to forgive. This is a wonderful opportunity for us to discard everything which we do not need to move forward in peace, tranquility, love, laughter and good health. Let’s move out of the Shadow of the Past into a beautiful, sunny and tranquil New Year.

I am now reading a book which I highly recommend to all by Caroline Myss, author of Anatomy of the Spirit and Sacred Contracts. Her latest book is called Invisible Acts of Power-Personal Choices That Create Miracles-quite amazing and highly recommended. I would like to end this post by sharing with you the following quote (pp.58) from the book since it gives amazing insights into many things we have discussed and opens doors to much further thought. If you already know these things, than think about them often. If this is the first time you are encountering these ideas, than think about them deeply and begin to question and contemplate. You will get much joy from understanding the ideas.

  • You are where you are supposed to be and in every moment there is an opportunity to seerve another or to receive support.
  • There are no such things as coincidences or accidents. Look for the meaning in your synchronistic encounters.
  • Any form of assistance you offer is an act of healing.
  • Anything you do for others, as well as the support you receive in your own life, has healing consequences for the whole human community.
  • You will always receive help within a second of a prayer. To recognize the help, you must see everything in your life from that second on as a part of the answer to your prayer.
  • Everything you do consciously is an invisible act of power.SHANA TOVA TO ALL…A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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