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Posts Tagged ‘Loss’

Broken Heart Meditation

Please find here a beautiful meditation for helping to deal with the pain of a broken heart.

It was part of a lovely healing session I was given today and I am writing it here, just as much for myself as for others. I am sure it will be of help to many people and am happy I can share it.  It was a small but very powerful part of a beautiful healing session I had today with the lovely Chinese healer I met at the astrologer.  She is a Reiki Master but uses other forms of healing as well.  She was gentle but went very deep and will be coming again tomorrow. In addition to the discussion we had, and her intuitively  knowing what I needed, she was also guided before coming to prepare something for me (before she even spoke to me).  A candle on which she carved some Eastern sutra/mantra.  The sutra is used in cases where someone has to release things which are stuck…She instructed me to burn the candle with this intention and when it was all burned down, to sit out in the sun (!) and allow the sunlight to fill the places that were emptied of pain, etc.  So, hopefully tomorrow morning I will see a sunny day again and will do this as well.

Check the full meditation for “fixing” broken hearts which may be of help to you or someone you know.

Sit comfortably, and take three deep breaths.  Imagine yourself sitting on along the Ganga (or any other body of water you feel drawn to).  Listen to the sound of the water flowing, and feel the sun bringing its warmth to your entire body.  Filling you with sunlight and warmth.

There is a large, very hot, black stone filling your heart chakra.  Feel it there and try to understand why it is there or who or what it represents…and why it is filling your heart chakra. If you do not know for sure what it represents, it is OK.  Just continue with the meditation which will allow you to release whatever it is that has “broken your heart”.

With each inhale, imagine you are breathing in the warmth of the sun and its light, directly to this hot, black stone.  And with each exhale you release some of the heat.  Slowly the stone will become comfortably warm, rather than hot, and as you continue breathing in the sunlight, it will turn white in color.  Then feel it slowly breaking up into small pebbles, like those along the shore of the Ganga.  As you continue to breath, imagine that with each exhale you slowly breath out these pebbles and allow them to fall into the Ganga…the water is so clear you can see them slowly sinking to the bottom.  You have released something which you loved very dearly, but which is no longer healthy for you.  And you have released it gently to the loving waters of the Ganga to care for this thing you loved so dearly.  Feel at peace about releasing this into the Ganga and know it will be well cared for.

Once you feel you have released as many pebbles as possible, begin once again to inhale the sunlight and allow it to fill the empty space created in your heart by the release of the stone that was there.  Allow the sun to fill your heart with warm loving energy.

Continue doing this until you feel at peace completely, and then give thanks to God and the Universe for helping in this meditation, and for the peace and love you feel in your heart.

You may to need to repeat this exercise more than once over several days…I will definitely do so…

Hope this has been of some assistance.

With love light and JOY

Jane

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Understanding Loss – Part 3 – An Exercise in Remembering, Forgiving and Release

I have been doing much work going through this process mentioned in the two previous posts here from India, and find that most of my insights are much too personal for me to easily share them.  Much is painful, much is insightful leading to understanding which in turn leads to forgiveness and release, and this is extremely cathartic. I would like to share one of the exercises I have been guided to do, and which I found extremely cleansing, as long as I was completely honest with myself in performing the exercise.  Meaning, no expectations, no preconceived idea about the outcome,etc.  Total honesty.  This is not as easy as it sounds and I found myself stopping myself several times to get back to the place of honesty before continuing.

It is actually fairly simple sounding to do.  But a very good way of releasing lingering negativity regarding loved ones who have passed over.   As the passing which prompted the process in the first place was that of my mother, I began the exercise with her, but soon found myself working with my father as well.

Simply go back into your memory “bank”, looking for the earliest “deposits” you can find, and see how many pleasant and joyful recollections you have and how many unpleasant or painful ones you have in regard to the person you are working with at the moment. At first it may seem one sided, in either direction.  Do not judge or take things personally.  Do your best to be objective about what you are reliving. Ever so slowly, more and more “deposits” will surface, each becoming more and more clear and detailed.  This maybe be painful, may cause you anger or regret, may be joyful, may even be surprising…just let it all flow. Try not to “be” yourself as the child you were in each memory (or even adult-doesn’t matter), but rather see each event unfold as an impartial observer.When you feel there are no more memories left in the “bank” to review, simply ask that all be released back to the Universe as energies of love and light, send unconditional love to the person who has passed, as well as to yourself, and feel the deep sense of lightness this process has given you…cleansing, forgiveness and closure.

I am completely surprised at how the process has been working for me, especially at the intensity of the memories once they began to reveal themselves.  Also surprised at the types of memories which arose.  At first, the most powerful ones were kind of what I expected to find when dealing with a particular person, but slowly, the expectations became less, as did the preconceptions, and many other types of memories surfaced.  This is why I ask you to at least try to commence this exercise from a place of neutrality and non-judgement, with no expectations, if at all possible.

I’d love to hear from anyone who decides to try this…I am finding it extremely interesting as I continue working with it, and find it bringing me lovely feelings of release and lightness.

With love light and JOY

Jane

 

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December 31, 2010 – India – Understanding Loss Part 2

The days move along and although the weather here has turned from clear to cloudy, my own inner “weather” is getting brighter and clearer with each day.  I woke up very early this morning from an intense dream sequence, with the following insight and further clarity into the issue of redefining myself after loss.

Just an aside here…I also realized that in addition to the losses mentioned in the previous post, there was another situation of loss over that short 6 month period, one no less cutting and painful than the loss of my Mother or my love.  I had traveled back to the States after a 37 year absence, never expecting to find the intense emotional upheaval which was the result of this visit.  What I understood during my visit, was that I had lost something over all those years which I had never considered as something that COULD be lost, because I never thought of my life with, or without it.  I was content with my family and friends in my new country and never once regretted having left home for a foreign land.

But it seems as if this was a mistake.  I realized while there, and am now feeling the effects months later, that when I chose to leave the States, what I lost was my original family!!  Dear cousins. Aunts and uncles, who were always an intense part of my life while I lived there, even though I never realized it.  And of course rediscovery of  a beautiful sibling relationship was no less powerful.  This loss is something which can never be recovered, and the deep pain I feel inside at realizing this, is something which I doubt I will ever come to terms with.  I spent deeply rewarding and beautiful hours, as well as deeply painful ones, with a few very special people there who know who they are, rediscovering myself, and even discovering for the first times parts of self.  And now having reconnected with this “original family” , I find myself feeling the loss of it every single day.

And now back to this morning.  My phone is still not working but I am sure this is part of the plan. Instead of talking to people and making plans for visiting, taking trips, etc., in addition to the overcast weather, it is easier for me to move inward and begin working there. I am not completely at peace with this idea right now and have been wondering for the past couple of days what I am afraid of finding there. I have asked in my prayers and meditation over the past couple of days to be able to release any fears I have regarding this process as well as expectations as to how it will move forward. Just allow it to flow.  The overcast weather puts a further damper on my spirits but again is an incentive to stay close to home and go inward.

And then the insights of this morning…regarding redefining roles with the death of parents.  When our parents are gone, WE become the family “elder”.  We have to be careful not to allow this to color the way we picture ourselves.

Let me explain:  I do not become suddenly “old” because I become and “elder”. My Indian friend reminded me of this yesterday. I was sitting at her house feeling really down and said “ I feel like an old lady this trip – tired, no energy, etc.”  She said that when our parents are alive we can still feel young but when they are gone we begin to “be old”.  It was a very clever thing to say and a wake up call for me to really begin thinking about what thoughts I have been having, what I have been saying verbally, without realizing it, and how deeply they have been effecting me on all levels, including physical!  Just more food for thought along the way.

I realized that I need to get back in touch with my free spirit, with the child inside me.  It is still there, still alive.  It did not die along with my Mother! I have a lot of work to do and believe the panchakarma, which I begin on Monday, will help in this process as well.

And then I gratefully began my morning meditation, which revealed further issues…the things I was afraid of discovering…the emotions and feelings which I do not like to believe I am capable of:  And what surfaced were feelings of anger, guilt and deep sadness, as well as regret.  I called upon Archangel Michael, who is a powerful remover of negativity, to do a cleansing both inside me on all levels, as well as in my aura, to remove all of these negative emotions, wherever they may be blocked, and any others that I may not be aware of,  to release them back as energies of love and light and then to fill me with pure white light of love, joy, healing, and contentment and to help me move forward in complete freedom from fear..

I am feeling lighter and less troubled as I sit and write this, and grateful for all the love and blessings I receive each and every day.

With love light and JOY

Jane

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UNDERSTANDING LOSS

 

This has been an extremely difficult year for me, beginning with my early return from India in January.  I felt increasingly burdened, heavy, seemed to have lost my”light” and my “lightness”, and not really understanding why or how to move past it.

It wasn’t until today, a full 11 months after my return home from India that I had my AHA! Moment and figured it out.  And like all of these magical moments, it came to me during a powerful prayer and meditation session.

Without realizing it, I have been living through a year filled with great loss, and not only have I not honestly grieved for it, I had not understood that personal loss requires us to redefine ourselves and our purpose, our being, in the new placed, the new reality, we find ourselves in AFTER our loss.

And for me, again without realizing it, I have been through TWO intense losses within the same 6 month period – something which obviously is not simple. Or easy to come to terms with.

Finding myself moving along with “life as usual” after both losses, I imagined I had done just that, while in effect I had simply ignored the need for grieving, burying it in a “safe” place inside and feeling that all was well with me and my world, seeing as how I was coping so well.

Turns out, I was not coping at all, just living in denial, and it was taking its toll on my.  I never realized that the enormous heaviness I was feeling, the lack of energy, was due to the fact that I was physically carrying these losses with me, rather than releasing them in healthy ways.

I lost my mother this past year, and was stunned by the impact on me of her loss.  Since it is only in the past 10 years that I have any sort of loving relationship with my mother, I honestly did not think I would “miss” her.  Turns out, I miss her every day, in many subtle ways.  This took me my surprise completely.  The fact that I also lost my role as someone’s child, in effect becoming an orphan (as my father had already passed several years ago), I lost another part of “who I am” when I lost my mother.

In addition, I both found (for the first time) and lost, a true love.  I will not go into details but will simply say that everything I ever imagined, everything I ever prayed for, manifested,  and understood true love to be, was what I found in this short-lived relationship, and loosing it had a much deeper effect on me than I realized until just this morning. And once again, there was no grieving, just moving forward, adding another weight to the heaviness already inside of me.

Since I have arrived in India, just a little over a week ago,  these well buried “treasures” have been slowly seeping out of their hiding places , begging to be relasesd, but my still not “getting it”.

When in India, my Mother would always send me a daily e-mail, and I found myself sad, disappointed, even angry, that whenever I checked my mail at the internet café, this was not waiting for me. And all of my well-meaning friends here have been asking about my love, this wonderful man they had heard about, only to be told it is a story I would rather not talk about, and tears, ending the conversations. I was completely taken by surprise at these feelings of grief and grieving that arose in me.

What I realized this morning, the AHA! Which was Divinely and lovingly sent to me, was that this is the purpose of my stay here this time.  To process these losses, to release them in a true and proper grieving, to allow myself the luxury of feeling and crying and then moving into my new reality once again, lighter, and full of light.

At the end of the meditation, something else was “returned” to me after a whole year of being absent – my voice! Let me explain – there is a beautiful chant which I began repeating at the end of each meditation about 2 years ago, it is in Hebrew and I learned it from a teacher, Naomi, who taught me the beauties of Hatmara.  Loosely translated it means:  “I am light, love and joy” and it is sung in a haunting, deeply moving melody.  Every morning, while chanting this outloud, in full voice (it is the ONLY thing ever in my life which I could sing on tune), I was filled with enormous amounts of light, love and joy to move with me through each day. I have not been able to chant this since the day my mother passed away!!  I tried many times but the voice was not there…I could not sing/chant, these loving words outloud, or even say them silently.

This morning, I found my voice once again, and after a chanting, my eyes releasing great tears of joy throughout, I had a new sense of well-being and “rightness”  for the first time in  so long

I have  now understood that this is  a process with more than one step…an ongoing process, which, among other things, requires me to redefine myself in my new reality.

Accept the new reality, release ALL feelings,-including the “not nice” ones which, among others, include anger-and then joyfully move forward.

I sit here now with a new sense of contentment – now ready to begin the work of acceptance and self-definiton with a joyful heart.

I am truly blessed

Jane

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