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Archive for the ‘Forgiveness’ Category

Understanding Loss – Part 3 – An Exercise in Remembering, Forgiving and Release

I have been doing much work going through this process mentioned in the two previous posts here from India, and find that most of my insights are much too personal for me to easily share them.  Much is painful, much is insightful leading to understanding which in turn leads to forgiveness and release, and this is extremely cathartic. I would like to share one of the exercises I have been guided to do, and which I found extremely cleansing, as long as I was completely honest with myself in performing the exercise.  Meaning, no expectations, no preconceived idea about the outcome,etc.  Total honesty.  This is not as easy as it sounds and I found myself stopping myself several times to get back to the place of honesty before continuing.

It is actually fairly simple sounding to do.  But a very good way of releasing lingering negativity regarding loved ones who have passed over.   As the passing which prompted the process in the first place was that of my mother, I began the exercise with her, but soon found myself working with my father as well.

Simply go back into your memory “bank”, looking for the earliest “deposits” you can find, and see how many pleasant and joyful recollections you have and how many unpleasant or painful ones you have in regard to the person you are working with at the moment. At first it may seem one sided, in either direction.  Do not judge or take things personally.  Do your best to be objective about what you are reliving. Ever so slowly, more and more “deposits” will surface, each becoming more and more clear and detailed.  This maybe be painful, may cause you anger or regret, may be joyful, may even be surprising…just let it all flow. Try not to “be” yourself as the child you were in each memory (or even adult-doesn’t matter), but rather see each event unfold as an impartial observer.When you feel there are no more memories left in the “bank” to review, simply ask that all be released back to the Universe as energies of love and light, send unconditional love to the person who has passed, as well as to yourself, and feel the deep sense of lightness this process has given you…cleansing, forgiveness and closure.

I am completely surprised at how the process has been working for me, especially at the intensity of the memories once they began to reveal themselves.  Also surprised at the types of memories which arose.  At first, the most powerful ones were kind of what I expected to find when dealing with a particular person, but slowly, the expectations became less, as did the preconceptions, and many other types of memories surfaced.  This is why I ask you to at least try to commence this exercise from a place of neutrality and non-judgement, with no expectations, if at all possible.

I’d love to hear from anyone who decides to try this…I am finding it extremely interesting as I continue working with it, and find it bringing me lovely feelings of release and lightness.

With love light and JOY

Jane

 

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These are a couple of links to articles which have appeared online before but have been picked up once more by another website, so thought I’d share the links with you in case you’d like to read them again.  These are articles which can never be read too many times!

Just for Today I Will Not Worry– Not worrying implies Faith-read more here:

http://www.holisticworld.co.uk/your_say.php?article_id=98

Just for Today I Will Love and Respect Every Living Creature – Including Myself!! – read more here:

http://www.holisticworld.co.uk/your_say.php?article_id=97

With Love Light and JOY

Jane

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November 9, 2008 – Further Insights and Final Cleansing Of Past Issues

Sun Setting on the Past

Sun Setting on the Past

The process continues…(Please read the previous post if you have not already done so to understand this one)…it is now the next day and have had many more insights – some I will keep for my private journals, but will share enough to allow others to gain insights from this as well.

This morning came a full disclosure to myself. What was revealed to me after 23 years of being completely unaware of these feelings and issues! Really full understanding of what I haven’t admitted to myself all these years. I would have wanted more than anything else to have stayed married – but I was not given the opportunity or option. Instead of working WITH me to help me at the time I most needed it, he did everything possible to push me further and further away. The person I had taken care of so lovingly for over 20 years, who I had never asked anything of – attuning myself to his needs in all things – had deserted me in my time of deepest need. Cruelly pushing me away in every way possible when he should have been protecting and cherishing me – helping me to move through my Dark Night. While I desperately clung to hope as a drowning victim does to a life raft, he pulled this from my grip as well, leaving me to go under along – slowly sinking. I was forced to rip apart a family which would never fully recover the wounds inflicted on it – as a unit and as individuals.

I am sure I could have gotten to the same place in my life that I am today WITHOUT having to break up my home, if he had only been willing and able to work along with me for a few years until I found my path. I COULD have done it differently if I had been given the opportunity. And I now know that this frustration, so long repressed was what caused this anger to well up in me after being held back by illusion for so many years. . This realization is a cause for profound sadness and grief– but I will move forward. What’s done is done and there is a reason for this as well. That reason is still to be discovered! I will do my best to be patient but I joyfully look forward to finding out what it is!

It is important to understand that I am not seeking to “place blame”, for there is no place for that in our lives. Just coming to terms with these hidden issues, and releasing them, is all that is necessary. And I have done that completely…feeling light and at peace with myself and everyone else connected with these issues. It is a true blessing!

There will be one more post with a truly lovely dream which reflects this final cleansing on all levels, but will leave that for a separate post.

Love
Jane

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November 8, 2008 – The Day Following My First AHA as described in the Previous Post

Dawning of a New Day

Dawning of a New Day

I had spent the greater part of the day and part of the night agonizing over my having to deal with those past issues described in the previous post, and how I would go about doing it. Before falling into a fitful sleep I asked for help – for some message – and what you find below was lovingly given to me in the form of a dream.

Woke from a clear powerful dream I can still feel:

I was “deposited” in a familiar place along the water, a settlement of low lying houses on the sand, and only I was gently placed by “someone” with a toddler in arms, in a much higher up house overlooking the scene below. My possessions were all left below as well.

At the end, of the dream, after an enormous wave had flooded everything below, many loving “people” were with me comforting me and telling me all is well. Only good has happened. All is clean and healthy the way it should be, saying it was amazing to be lifted up so high to safety by a loving invisible force and gently held there before the danger began and then deposited back on y terrace out of harm’s way.

More details and My understanding:
I went back to the “old place”. Had a toddler with me who I was responsible for keeping safe (which I realized was ME). I was back in the past where it all began – Gush Katif feeling to the place I found myself in during the dream. Many nice people around me. But everyone was on low ground, at sea level. Only me and my charge (ME) were placed up on high ground overlooking the scene below. We left all of our possessions – things from the past – below, waiting to bring them up to our new place later. I left “me” upstairs and went down to start picking up things to take back with me when I was lifted up by some strange natural force to the height of 27 meters (yes – exactly 27 meters – the meaning of this becoming clear a few days later when I spoke to a friend about the number) and placed back on the terrace of my new place with ME. And then a huge wave came – like a Tsunami – and we rushed into safte, but the wave came up to just below where we were, and then receded.

The toddler ME was terrified. I wanted to just go to the edge of the terrace to look. I forced ME, carrying ME gently in my arms to come see what was left. We saw an amazing scene. Everything was exactly as before, but completely fresh and clean and on the distant waves, which had receded far out – we could see all the items we had left below floating away out of reach.

I have been given the go ahead. I can go back – feel myself as I was then at the time – feel all my feelings (many of which were described in the previous post) but knowing I will be lovingly cared for during the whole process. No matter how frightening, I will be kept safe, no harm will come to me during the process. And then, in one swoop, at the proper moment, all things remaining of the past will be washed clean, leaving all the good things intact as memories. I have no reason to fear going back and dealing with the things that need to be taken care of after so many years!

I must deal with myself with compassion, but this is a place I must go now. It is an opportunity presented to me and I must take advantage of it!

I was given a child to hold – not because I was a child at the time – although in many ways I was LIKE a child – innocent and naïve, very little life experience, and beginning a whole new life from the beginning – – was given the child to hold to remind me to care for myself as I would a lost frightened child. With tenderness, gently, slowly, understandingly, compassionately and with much loving understanding and acceptance.

Love
Jane

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Nov. 7. 2008 – Panchakarma – Day 15 – Beyond the Physical – Rude Awakening to the Reality of My Past

Lovely Forest Road

Lovely Forest Road

I woke this morning after another night of strange dreams, which I’ve been having for some days now, but never thought to connect them to the panchakarma, even though the doctor mentioned that I may begin cleansing through dreams as well. The dreams, even before coming to India, for many months now, have had recurrent themes revolving around my ex-husband, mother-in-law, etc., in situations of varying degrees of absurdity that only dreams can bring about.

But this morning I had an extremely powerful AHA! Moment. I had woken up with the deep need to reread the memoirs I had begun outlining for myself almost 5 years ago. For the past 4 years I have not written a word. I have not felt the inclination to write again over all these past 4 years, and sitting here today, in my room in India, reading the previous entries, has triggered a thought process which may seem overdue, but, as I so well know, is beginning exactly at the time when it should for my Higher Good. It has occurred to me several times over the past years that I really should get back to writing about my journey inward, but I could never seem to find the inspiration to pick up pen and paper. While reading I felt as if I was reading something penned by a stranger, and yet at the same time by someone I knew intimately. An extremely strange perception to say the least.

When I went the clinic this morning the first thing I did was discuss this with the doctor and ask if the detox process of panchakarma goes beyond the physical, and he said “obviously”. He was quite pleased to hear what is happening with me as most of his clients fight this in depth part of the process and prefer to remain purely in the “physical”…this would of course render complete detox impossible, as we are much more than just the physical. A powerful catharsis has begun and panchakarma is the (more…)

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This will be short and to the point. I was watching a (really kitschy) TV program on my PC the other day, but one sentence of dialogue just popped out at me, despite the fact that I was barely paying attention. It was as if it was played on a loudspeaker at full volume and written in neon lights all at the same time. It was a lesson for me regarding a “test” I had been given the day before and which I failed miserably (and was frustrated with myself as well as very unforgiving of my own behavior, as well as the behavior of the other parties involved). It was also a direct message for a client who arrived just a couple of hours after I watched the program. It was a perfect case of synchronicity, being complimented by a card reading she did with me regarding a certain issue, and everything just flowed together to form a perfect answer to her confusion and uncertainty about how to move forward. Here is the quote:

BEING UNFORGIVING IS LIKE DRINKING POISON AND WAITING FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO DIE!
I wish I could give credit to the person who wrote it but have no idea who he is. Think about it and then perhaps take a moment to reread the following two links to other posts on this blog regarding the same issue:

Living in the Shadow of the Past and Forgiveness

Another Golden Opportunity to Get Yourself out of the Shadow of the Past

With much love, light, joy and laughter

Jane

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thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyselfleviticus 19:18

If we look at this, as it is worded in the fourth of the Reiki Principles, it appears to be fairly straightforward. It is pretty obvious to us that one of the most important things in this world is to love and respect others, show compassion and tolerance, patience and understanding etc. We also know that we must be kind to EVERY living being and this would of course include animals, insects, plants etc., etc.

The original wording of the principle as stated by Dr. Usui is slightly different, but the message is more easily understood with the above paraphrase which I prefer using in my Reiki classes and in my own daily meditation practice.

And the profoundness of the principle, if we truly think about it, opens the door to an entirely new way of perceiving the ups and downs of our lives, of relating to instances where we feel we have been wronged by someone, or taken advantage of, even purposely hurt or embarrassed, or injured in any way. Of relating to the different people who come into our lives and the way we accept and embrace all that is sent our way by God and the Universe.

In addition, if we add just two small words to the above principle, it changes the impact and intent even more deeply. Just for Today I will Love and Respect Every Living Creature…INCLUDING MYSELF!! If we do not truly love ourselves, how can we possibly love and respect our neighbor??

I will try and give insights into the following two questions (more…)

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