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Archive for September, 2006

And yet one more profound journal entry which I must share with those of you who do not follow my India Journals….

Today is October 5th, 2001 but yesterday the weirdest thing happened to me…I wrote a very long letter which first of all thanked all of you who took the time and energy to either call or write to me during the last few really rough days here…I love you and really appreciate your efforts. But I also wrote many deep “inside” thoughts and wrote and wrote and wrote and when I tried sending it, the whole thing disappeared…this has never happened to be before…I always do copy before I send and so if something happens the letter is still there..but thistime, someone else’s letter came up on the screen…really weird.

So I wrote again, not quite so in depth and still refused to be sent…so I came to the conclusion that those thoughts were not meant to be put down on paper, but rather savored within and staying within just for me to experience.

I am first amazed at the resiliency of the human spirit. From feeling guilty about feeling happy – to exhilaration at dispelling a lifetime myth about myself, all within the same day. Life does go on and that is the beautiful part about living it to the fullest!

In spite of crises and difficulties with coping with a situation, life goes on and the beauty of discoveries about ourselves and our inner strengths carry us through.

Perhaps this inner awakening occurred simultaneously in me precisely on the same day as hearing about the terrorist attack on my daughter’s house (more…)

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Still working on my journals from India, and again came across the following, which happened in 2001 but is so appropriate to what I have been writing about here on this blog. Particularly the post about “Living in the Shadow of the Past”. Hope you enjoy this personal insight and would love your comments.

Much love to all of you…and success on your own inner journeys.

Monday October 8th, 2001-8 AM

I didn’t really know how to write about what just happened but it has been another turning point for me in my work with myself and my quest to come to terms with my painful past experiences which have had such enormous impacts on my whole life. To know the past
and to perceive it in a neutral light and to truly be able to forgive and put it all where it belongs…in the past…and not have it always accompanying me in subtle forms in all I do and in my relationships up to this day……I very often felt I had managed to do just that, but certain memories would keep coming back to haunt me and the same painful emotions were always still there…dealing with this and freeing
myself from this has eluded me… until today.

The fact that this happened on the very last day of my 2 months alone is for me, at any rate, very significant…it means to me that this was the time I
needed to purge myself and it is now perfectly suitable for me to be getting on with my travels with someone else…I no longer so desperately need this time “with myself”. It is just another proof to me that we must never worry about “what will happen
when…” as the natural flow of events, the overview, is always in place and perfect for our needs…we do not need to waste all of our valuable energies worrying if we made the right decisions and analyzing each move before we make it and what if it will not “work out” and maybe we should have done something else. The idea is to just “DO”.

I just read a quote by Ray Bradbury (of all people)
which is quite appropriate:

“Make your journey be a joyous one!
Don’t think! Thinking is the enemy of creativity
It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is
lousy…
You can’t try to do things.
You simply must DO things!”

Very apropos for all of us actually.

I really am still working on quieting my mind but that will still take time but the basic idea is “to do” and “enjoy” without thinking so much. All will always happen for our own personal best interest.

Now…What happened was I have been trying all kinds of techniques and exercises and processes to rid myself of several poisonous memories which have been keeping
me from truly feeling completely forgiving of the past and these memories were still preventing me from fully getting on with my life and with certain
relationships. I felt that none of the things I was doing was helping and again went to sleep last night feeling quite disturbed by the fact that I couldn’t overcome these feelings which always flooded back to me every time I tried working with the past.

One particular memory headed the list always and perhaps is representative of the injustices I felt as a child and I could never seem to see it in any
perspective other than a child being unjustly treated. No matter how I approached it, it just remained the same and hurt me and angered me every time over again.

It is an incident involving an ice cream tart and probably I am the only one who even remembers it, but, I have finally broken free of not only that incident,but every feeling of pain, anger and injustice it represented from my past.

In the early morning hours when we have “those kinds of dreams”, a kind of video film of my childhood started to play. But it included feelings, smells, sounds, sights and impressions which placed me in the role of both participant and at the same time neutral
observer of the events and scenes. Places and people and sights and events and memories arose going back to when I was as young as 2 up to about the age of
10-12. So detailed was the “video” that I was actually there once again. I can still feel the
essence of the places and smell the food and hear the traffic noises while I sit here and write!! Most of the places and people I had not thought of in 50 years
if ever, and these came flooding back to me, candy stores, movie theaters, my grandmother(!), dancing school, on and on and on…friends, neighbors, it was unbelievable!! I wish I had some kind of dream video recorder to save it and replay for all of you to see!! But I guess the idea was just for me to BE there just once more and live through it as well – and neutrally observe it in order to finally purge myself.

Now this all sounds clever and nice and I know even while still watching it that it was working to finally get me moving on without the burden of my past…but as I opened my eyes (at first I had to rub them to be sure I was now really awake) a sparrow sat on the string which acts as my closet here and just looked at me…When I opened my eyes, it chirped as if to say “Oh, now you are a “free bird” just like me!!” (sparrow in Hebrew is called a “tzipor dror” meaning a “bird of freedom”) and this is truly now how I
feel. I helped the sparrow find his way out of my room (don’t know how he got in…was he here all night??) and then had an enormous cry of overwhelming joy and here I am writing!! I feel “light as a bird” inside and cannot truly believe that this happened to
me. Having the bird here to confirm it and physically emphasis the impact of what happened is almost unbelievable. But true!! So…that’s if for
today…must truly assimilate what has happened to
me…it is quite amazing!!

Tuesday…October 9th (still in Mcleod)

After reading something by the Dalai Lama now I had an even greater insight into that ice cream tart incident I mentioned yesterday. It says when someone hurts you or angers you…not only to see it from the other persons point of view which is obvious…but to think
what opportunity it gave you to grow or something positive from YOUR point of view. Up until today I had actually not seen anything positive from my point of view in the incident…when all of a sudden it dawned on me…just now…and I burst out laughing…Am still smiling as I write this… I was given the opportunity at a VERY early age to learn
that you “cannot fool Mother!!”..a fact which probably made the next 15 years of my life a lot easier for me (or maybe you CAN fool her but you’ve got to be very clever and subtle to do it…so I was forced to develop some very useful tools for the rest of my
life!!)

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You don’t have to be Jewish to use this opportunity. It is simply another chance to journey within and see what we find, explore the inner workings of our soul and try and move forward into a new place. There will always be things which need to be questioned and challenged, and always new ways and opportunities to make profound changes which will help us move forward in our Sacred Contract, our reason for being here.

Let us all pray that we be granted the guidance, clarity and direction we need, as well as the wisdom to understand and perceive the blessings given to us, no matter what form or disguise they may take.

This would be a good time to take a minute and go back and check out the previous post on Living in the Shadow of the Past and the Power of Forgiveness and finding the ways to release all that is no longer necessary or healthy for us in the coming New Year. It would also be a wonderful time to begin doing the forgiveness exercise explained in the post for all those in your life who you still need to forgive. This is a wonderful opportunity for us to discard everything which we do not need to move forward in peace, tranquility, love, laughter and good health. Let’s move out of the Shadow of the Past into a beautiful, sunny and tranquil New Year.

I am now reading a book which I highly recommend to all by Caroline Myss, author of Anatomy of the Spirit and Sacred Contracts. Her latest book is called Invisible Acts of Power-Personal Choices That Create Miracles-quite amazing and highly recommended. I would like to end this post by sharing with you the following quote (pp.58) from the book since it gives amazing insights into many things we have discussed and opens doors to much further thought. If you already know these things, than think about them often. If this is the first time you are encountering these ideas, than think about them deeply and begin to question and contemplate. You will get much joy from understanding the ideas.

  • You are where you are supposed to be and in every moment there is an opportunity to seerve another or to receive support.
  • There are no such things as coincidences or accidents. Look for the meaning in your synchronistic encounters.
  • Any form of assistance you offer is an act of healing.
  • Anything you do for others, as well as the support you receive in your own life, has healing consequences for the whole human community.
  • You will always receive help within a second of a prayer. To recognize the help, you must see everything in your life from that second on as a part of the answer to your prayer.
  • Everything you do consciously is an invisible act of power.SHANA TOVA TO ALL…A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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I have been working very hard to get my India Journals posted on my other blog, and in doing so, came across a post originally written just 3 years ago, but it is a channeling experience which is so relevant to my life today, I decided to post it here as well for all of you who are not subscribed yet to my India Journal blog to easily see.
If you would like to subscribe to my India Journal Blog and easily follow my past travels, as well as my upcoming trip (I am leaving on October 6th), then you can do so by going to the following link. Jane’s India Journals
I have not as yet completed my past journals, and still have many photographs to add to the posts, but it will give you some general idea of what to expect in the future….hope you enjoy, and forgive me for neglecting this blog for now.

August 20th, 2003

Didn’t take long to learn…just a little over 3 weeks and one day…

“THEY” have probably been wanting to tell me for ages, but knew it was
something I had to “realize” first on my own before they spoke with me….
and as usual, it is SOOOOOOOO obvious it is embarrassing to think it
took this long to figure it out!

I’ve already begun caring for myself as I know I must, yoga in the late
afternoon, and beginning my morning with full Reiki, sounds for my soul,
pranayama, yoga, meditation in the morning (missing a hot shower for my
joints but you can’t have everything in this life)

So why did I have to be here in Kodai to get back to this? well…this
whole thing just flooded before me in neon light clarity…

WHENEVER there are others around, no matter who they are, my healing,
caring for, “worrying about” energies will ALWAYS go to “the others”
and be depleted before I get to myself.

The lesson, as channeled to me while just finishing writing the previous
post and still sitting in the internet cafe is:

Learn to reserve your energies for yourself as well. STOP denying
your OWN needs when confronted with others in your life. If the next
relationship you will be in (hopefully the final one) is to succeed
(with whomever it may be)… you must first understand that you must
never again “lezalzel” , belittle yourself and your needs…You know
this in your mind and would NEVER allow ANOTHER person to take advantage
of you, to take you for granted and to always place their own needs
above yours. So why do you continue to do it to yourself when in the
presence of the needs of others. You know it brings you to the point
of exhaustion and dysfuntionality (word?) each time both physically,
emotionally and spiritually, and yet you persist. DESIST!…Learn to
be with another, and still be completely with yourself as you must.
Do not automatically “DO” for another first, before you’ve taken care
of your personal health and spiritual needs. It will do no one any good
in the end. You know that for a fact and yet have not yet managed to put
it into action. It is very easy to put aside the couple of hours you need
a day for Jane, when only Jane is around-the hard part is doing it when
there is someone else in your life needing you. This is the lesson. Learn
it well or you will remain alone for the rest of your life to safeguard
yourself. You will be unable to live in good health, physically or
spiritually for any length of time if you do not care for yourself and
continue your self growth and inner quest…These are things which even
the most loving people cannot do for you and the more you will love,
the more you will “need to do” for this other person. There is enough
time in any day to “do for all” …stop neglecting YOU in the overwhelming
need of yours to “be there always” for others. Allow another to BE with
you and still BE completely with yourself. This is the lesson. Learn it!
You do not have to BE by yourself to CARE for yourself.

This whole “admonishment”- “nu, nu, nu” part was channeled directly to
me while I was still writing. Realization was my own…THEY could not
just “tell” me this. I first had to realize it…it took an awfully
long time and a trip to India.

Ravin was part of their plan in this as well…

No one before has ever been so aggressively “nudnicky” with me in
the past and succeeded. Quite the opposite-it always puts me off-the
more someone insists, the more I do the opposite-he is definitely a
part of their plan!…

It’s always been sooooooo obvious and yet I never saw the pattern
until just now! They have probably been wanting to tell me this for
ages but knew it would be ineffective until the “AHA!” first came
from me.

It’s not just needing to “take care of” others. It’s always accommodating
needs and wants of others before my own. As I am uncomfortable saying
“not yet-I haven’t finished my yoga yet” or whatever…and always prefer
“going along with” rather than confronting even when I don’t always
necessarily want what the other wants…I am easy to please…but
don’t always please myself…

I have never been able to say “I can do anything you like provided I
have my 1 -1 1/2 hours of alone in the morning and one more hour in
the afternoon as sacred times for me”… with nothing urgent enough to
change that!

So, now that I have learnt that lesson…what else is in store for me….?

Again…time will tell. As always, my thanks for this enlightening
experience and my sincere request for guidance and the wisdom needed
to “activate” this newfound understanding in my daily life and in all
my encounters with others…no matter who they are…friends, relatives,
co-workers, etc.

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Hi All, Sorry to have deserted you but wasn’t sure anyone would notice. It’s only since several of you have asked that I’m writing to let you know what’s been going on for the past few weeks and why I haven’t continued my postings on Reiki. Two of my daughters and their families have relocated, one from the city to the country, another coming back after 3 years of work abroad, and I spent several days with each of them helping them move in and organize their new homes. At the same time, my father is still going through a serious crisis after being, regretably, placed in a permanent nursing care unit. It will take him time to adjust but his complete dependence on others has taken a great toll and it is very difficult to see him, care for him etc. And of course, my Mother has been deeply effected by this as well. They have spent their entire life together as a couple, meeting each other something like 75 years ago and being married for 65 years. And the last 30+ years they have been retired and have spent every single day together just about all the time. The separation for them, beyond the difficult state my father is in, would be enough to create a serious emotional crisis leading to physical symptoms. It is like have part of your body ripped out. But they are both in the same assisted living building, my Mother in her own apartment still, and Father just downstairs, and they are both learning to come to terms with the situation. What the entire past year has created for all of us however, including myself, without our even being aware of it, is a chronic state of stress which has pretty much lasted for about 1 1/2 years actually, and only now have I understand the debilitating effect it has created in my life, on all levels, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. It has been devastating and only this week did I realize to what extent it has effected me. I am now working things through and putting myself “back together” as well…including going to the gym, (in addition to my daily practices of yoga, pranayama, meditation and Reiki) and, finally, working on my India Journals blog. All of the above has taken up my energies, both physically and mentally, and have therefore not posted anything new here all this time. My apologies….but part of the living in the now is living in the now! And doing what is right at each moment…flowing…learning…understanding…creating new ways of dealing and always opening the new doors of opportunity which present themselves to us along the way…no matter how twisted and complicated it may seem sometimes. So, if you are interested in seeing what I’ve done so far on the India Journals (about 1/2 way finished but no photos yet)…and also a very interesting sum up post of Lesson’s Learnt from my travels at the beginning of the blog…you can do so by following this link: Jane’s India Journals Hope to get back to my regular blog entries shortly. My love to all Jane

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